Today is the 5th day and life has assumed a rhythm. It took a few bumps to get there, but finally, it seems that a routine has been established.
Morning begins at 6.30 a.m. - I stumble out of bed, pick up the umbrella and walk down to the dining area; there Amma has a big cup of tea waiting for me. Have to back track a little on this - the normal steel glass that they serve tea in here is as large as our tequila shot glass...that threw me for the first 4 days, but finally desperation set in and I requested a bigger glass. So today Amma gave me this big steel mug full of steaming tea, which I gratefully bought back to my room, snuggled back into bed and enjoyed every sip.
At 7.00 a.m, Dr. A comes knocking on Amar's door, gives him his ghee concoction to drink, says a prayer over his head and gives him directions for the day. Then it is my turn. I go in for my treatments. So far it is a massage with medicated hot oil and the 2nd treatment involves pouring medicated hot milk over the body for 30 minutes....heavenly. Shower followed by breakfast. Today it was idli with spicy coconut chutney. Between meals and treatments, you are basically on your own in your rooms.
It is interesting how the universe conspires to bring about certain conditions. My India Iphone completely busted the evening before I was traveling to get here, I bought another instrument; then the pre-paid SIM card that was arranged did not work for whatever reason. So I had no working phone number, and since staying connected is so critical, I flapped around for a few days trying to connect myself to the world. Walked with my umbrella, in my flip-flops, with my sweats rolled up, to this really dismal one street market. With many wild hand gestures, pidgin mixture of Hindi and English, managed to establish to this little man in a rolled up lungi (mini-skirt length) that I required a new sim card. He of course spoke in Kannada and kept shaking his head; turns out that they issue new sim cards only to people from the district (security issues). So that story ended.
My point, before I digressed, was that I think this silence, this solitude was needed. If you think about it, we spend our entire life emoting outward, trying to stay connected with others. When do we allow ourselves time to focus inward, face the demons/angels that reside within, confront the fears, insecurities and anger that make us reactive, accept that we have hurt others as we have been hurt by them, deal with suppressed grief/loss that brings us to our knees - Never! We never allow ourselves space to be that true and open. We project the myth of our infallibility in our social little world.
And here, now, faced with this solitude and spotty wifi, my thoughts are rearing their curious little heads, finally allowed to peek out from the dark dungeon I keep them locked in. In the middle of the night (still jet lagged), I stared at my fears eye-to-eye, talked to my insecurities, and realized that it's okay, it's okay to be human. It's okay to be sad about events. Its okay to be anxious about what tomorrow may bring. It's okay to know that the downhill journey has now begun. How will I grow if I don't question? If I don't doubt? If I don't fear? Its all a part of human evolvement. I just needed the silence and solitude to face myself. And I understand that this is not the end at all...there is never an end...it is always just a new beginning.
All this being said, its all good! I am grateful to be a sentient being in this time and place, able to pontificate to my near and dear ones :-)